I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
did i walk over a car last night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
