Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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