Your dad touched me again.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize