he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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