This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
