Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
