Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
