Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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