I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You've changed since you got that strap on
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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