did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize