My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So vagazzling was a success
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
