2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
