Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
