I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
