Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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