i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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