Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
