Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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