Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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