Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
