dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sponge bath it is.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
