I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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