porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize