i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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