Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
