Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
