Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Enjoy the penises
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Panties = found
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
