Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
