Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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