just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize