24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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