dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
