You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
