tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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