I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i now understand why vodka
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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