Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
