OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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