shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
