well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize