Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
