Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
