so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
