"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Come on in and take your pants off
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