I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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