pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
