apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
tell me about the fingering
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