she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
