if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
