so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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