You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
