I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
