Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize