So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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