I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
