I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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