I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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