i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
