No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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