I am in a vortex of obligation.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
