You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
