he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
