Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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