You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
