doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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