it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
