I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
