So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize