Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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