I just made out with a guy for $7.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
