You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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