the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
