i don't want you to think of me as your TA
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
