I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
