dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize