I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
