We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
