Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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