Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
